One more such.

She had always had a thing for the parting words, for a very long time now. These days, it is the parting kisses. As she spends her free time visting the locked doors of her past life, she constantly wonders about those parting kisses. She had always loved to kiss.

There was something magical, she believed, about being that close to a person. To touch and caress the cheeks, to smile into the eyes and express such intimacy; of varying kinds.
She was amazed by some people and their reservations about kissing or being kissed, why would one cloud one’s mind with questions and doubts about the relationship status and morality? How can expressing your love for someone with a tender kiss be immoral and who writes these rule books?

In different phases of her life, she had spent a lot of time indulging in the nostalgic reminiscence of such special moments. I guess, it started from the time she was introduced to the idea of “aha” moments. Ideally of course, life should be a fairy tale; an ‘aha’ moment everyday. She always quoted from Zarasusthra,

But all joy wants eternity—Wants deep, wants deep eternity.

But eternity is only a dream. An illusion, a desire. Therefore one can only live on the memories of joys experienced in the past or hope of joy in the future whenever the present becomes bitter.

The whole “Here and now”, she believed, is a philosophy of the utterly foolish impractical idealists. No one truly, completely escapes the webs of guilt and the agony of the missed opportunities and lost relationships; or the pleasures and peace of naïveté loves and vengeful triumphs. We carry the past inside us, all the time. And the image of a future too. A perfect one.

Coming back to the parting kisses. She often tries to recollect how ‘that’ last kiss had been like. The last kiss from that particularly painful parting. The reason her mind fails to trace memories of that kiss is quite logical, she didn’t know it was the destined to be the last. She had hoped that the relationship is for eternity. That the kisses will continue through her lifetime. But Alas!

She wishes to trace the visual image of the last kiss, exactly the way she remembers their first kiss. But try however hard, she fails to remember anything.

She yens to recollect when, where and how they had kissed. She doesn’t seem to know if the kiss was an affectionate one,an intensely passionate one that got her tipsy. She wouldn’t know who initiated it, who had dominated the other, and how it had ended. Did she smile as she kissed, or laugh messily into his mouth?

Did they look into each other’s eyes before and after they done or was it a quick and urgent goodbye kiss. Was it a make up kiss, had they had a bitter fight? Did she repent having said all the wrong things all through the day? Or had they had a pleasant day, when they had cozily ended up with pillow fights and adult jokes?

Did she stand on her toes, to reach his chin and did he bend down to reach hers? Did she sit by the window and look at the road he took till he disappeared into some lane and much longer even after she lost sight of him, still licking the ends of her lips dreamily. Did he have an inkling of idea, as to how this could be the last expression of the intimacy they had shared all these years. Does he also try to recollect the last kiss, with the same yearning and grief.

She tried to search in the depths of her mind, the feel of that last touch; the last significant word shared. The last time they proclaimed their love grand and loud, the last time they made love. But it is only the first kiss that she remains etched in her heart now. They had kissed just about 30minutes after they had for the first time in life, they couldn’t waited any longer to touch. She clearly recollects how she had read out an article about different kinds of kisses, and smiled flirtatious, glancing at him as he sipped the coffee.

Every little detail, that were to be remembered, she did.
She had once mentioned how excited she is, to be first woman in his life. But now she knows how insignificant it is to have been the first. She wishes she were the last, the eternal. The memory of the first kiss too, isn’t special enough. It is that parting kiss that matters. More than anything else.