Ednit.

Mesmerized, I stood; reflecting on those paintings displayed on the wall.

Those enamoring colors on the canvas bewitched me, they always have. The minutest of meanings they essay mattered, they always have.

Their semblance i interpret differently today and i sense an abyss in the way I look at them now and I had before.

Why colors? Ah, why not?

They speak the most intricate of moods, they talk meanings to every mortal’s soul, express the lustrous life camouflaged in every inanimate existence, and of course emote- cry, laugh, dance, and say. To humans and others.

And mostly different languages; to different people. They manifest in situations; in form of poetry, sentiments, fondness, music and silences. Omnipotent, is that what they say?

And yes, the beauty lies in how distinctly they are perceived by each of us. Mostly attributable to the assorted constructs that we have formed based on our varied colorful experiences.

Experiences that we have lived, from naiveté childhood through the angry youth to an ‘aspiring’ adulthood.

Take my case for instance, though a lot of you would have gone through what I’ve (of course in different shapes and sizes), I proudly refer to my own life & those blessed experiences as being a ‘class apart’. Cheap thrill,this.

The way i’ve associated my feelings, my ‘people’, and my situations to colors have changed and transcended the obvious, with the passage of time.

I spent most of my childhood and early adulthood in anger, rebellion ,sorrow and unnamed fury; that which pushed me to run away from the orphanage, the college and all other places where ‘they’ attempted to discipline me and quiet-en my angst against the supposed tortures doled out to me. And I rebelled.

Then,it was the bright, dark and the angry colors that fascinated me (dark includes white too, strange?!) They still do.

Mostly ‘Nisha’ –the black, it re-iterated the existence of nothingness in the world around, that which I felt in my own life; But with heightened artistic sensibility; in black i started sensing sensuality and passion, anger and hostility, curiosity and knowledge, art and music.

All encompassing!
****

Also brown; it reminded me of the banal routines in the church, the lengthy queue for food every morning and the ‘insult’ sessions scheduled by the senior bullies after the lunch breaks.However,with time my appreciation for learning from every trivial incident widened; and in brown i started seeing freshness and the new, dignity and humanity, natural and naked.

Somber!
****

Not to forget “Neel’ – the blue(s), the color that i often associated with lackluster and sorrows in my life, the sluggish and the morose moments of loneliness that strangled my desire to give and take love. But as optimism tore apart the pessimist in me, in blue i started seeing free spiritedness and the resonant, depth and the intriguing, affection and generosity.

Evocative!
****

Of course I can’t forget the green; the colors I despised with all fervour.It meant an ugly brightness, monster like selfishness and the up-man ship games we played in the ward. However, as my mind sought the tranquil, as life started having more dimensions than emotional agitations; in green i started seeing the serene, the introspective moments, and the poignant depth of my relationships.

Profound!
****

And ‘Svitra’, the white; reflecting the plainness, tasteless experiences, and the chilly detachment in the relationship i shared with the teachers, the church& God. And it was the gift of unconditional love that enabled me to see in white - aesthetic charisma, the spiritual and selfless, peace and calm.

Tranquil flame!
****
Not so strange, the butterflies are not the only creature that fascinate me now.

Not when I can see colors in vacuum.

Not prejudiced anymore; Less disillusioned.

Paradigms of life evolved. More colorful now, should I say?


Ednit (evolved)