Chayya.

And you thought I would look for her inside the cupboard? Of course not, I’m not that stupid! I was just looking for some yellow, orange or green post-it she would have left behind.

Some note saying “I’m leaving, you take care”. I feel good when someone says “take care”; I like reading it as “I care”!!

Ah anyway, after searching for her frantically everywhere in the house for almost 10full minutes, it dawned on me that she had vacated the place. She was gone, along with her gas stove, half eaten sauce packet and the dustbin,leaving the geyser on. I sat there starring at her door (of course it is no more hers) as if she would suddenly appear there & ask me “Hi…how was your day”?!

On the outside, that’s what our relationship essentially encompassed. The daily "Hiiiiiiii, Good morning.”, “How was your day’, "i've washed my clothes",“what should we cook for dinner”, “I got drenched in the rains”, “My team mate is crazy” or “the man next door talks all night on his mobile”.

But there was something deeper, some strange sort of an attachment towards her which I’d not felt earlier. Not before 2minutes ; when I got scared of my own shadow in the dark house, which only had that tiny night lamp on .The lamp which substituted for candles during our “candle light dinners” on rainy nights. Suddenly I felt alone, all over again.

I guess i just get habituated to things and people very easily (and unnecessarily). Like I’m to the green walls, the maroon bedcover, the poetry on the wall, the lamp shade on the left corner of the ceiling, the black &white poster……….and then I yen to have them as permanent fixtures in my life.

My affection had grown wings that night when she spoke about her lost love; she said “I don’t care anymore” and I smiled. She knew I understood. I had felt eldersister-ly when she registered on some matrimonial site and gushed about it. I felt sympathy when I won her in every card game that we played on Sundays. I was totally kicked when she was “getting dressed” to meet her blind date, I was going frantic looking out for the most appropriate dress she could wear. I felt alien when she got her best friend home and acted very cozy with her. I felt………

And I feel shattered today, shattered that she didn’t care enough to “inform” me that she was vacating the place. She did mention some few weeks back that she has to shift, and I’d planned on some “parting gift”. Imagine my shock!

She is, I guess the 9th roomie/flat mate in the last 2yrs……..not bad, eh?!

And I do it again and again and again, Get attached to people knowing parting is just around the corner. That is the problem with nomadic living, there is no donstancy, no 'permanent address', no promise of the some genuine smile greeting you every morning. And the thought that tomorrow morning I don’t have anyone to fight with for the bathroom seems like a very scary proposition!

I’ve the freedom to do anything now, say for instance climb up on the loft and go to sleep there or hang upside down from the ceiling fan and read Ayn Rand.There is privacy, freedom, space…………..all that I yen for all the time, but I don’t seem to want them now. I want noise, chaos, clutter, loud arguments, tears and smiles. I want a human in the house.

I almost thought I was 'losing it', when I heard my nokia sing the Nescafe tone…

She – Hai, this is Neva here.

I-Oh hey Neva, Sid’s cousin?

She- You got that right, how have you been?

I-I’m doing simply great (Yeah, right)

She- You don’t sound very well, did I catch you at the right time?

I-Right time, of course!! (What timing), When did u get here btw?

She- Been a few days now.

I-So how do you like the city? ((I really don’t care)

She- Calm and cool. But I’m going crazy with the house hunt.

I -House? You looking out for a place to stay in? (Did I hear it right?)

She – Yep, some good place near Gandhi road

I- Oh yeah? I’ve a ‘good place’ in mind……(Am i good or am i)

She-Oh please, tell me about it…

I -It is…blah….blah.

She-Sounds awesome, just the kind of place I’d in mind!!

I -But there is a slight problem.

She- Oh No, what would that be?

I-The woman you have to share the house with is slightly insane!

She –wow, that makes life easier.

I –How?

She - I believe “One should be sane enough to embrace insanity to live an exciting life”

I- Ah,that makes the two of us.

She- Oh really?

I-Yes really, two of us in the “house”.

I guess she smiled, so did the green walls!



(Chayya - shadow)