Damini!

I'm elated. My soul feels alive &effeminate.

Not won the noble prize yet,not written the best seller book yet (and probably may never), not anticipating motherhood in the near future, not....

Didn’t chat up with an old friend, didn’t bump into my favorite school teachers, didn’t have a cozy long telephonic conversation, didn’t read a powerful book, didn’t go through my old photo album, didn’t get a pay hike or a promotion, didn’t watch a movie that moved me to tears, didn’t play with a group of toddlers in Barista...............

Nothing specific to make me ecstatic! But I’m entranced, thrilled, joyous, mad and wilddddddddd.

All I want to do is fling my healed footwear in 2different directions, take the tight band off my hair, face the sky, let the tiny droplets of rain kiss my cheeks and dance to the kinky number playing on the radio.

First things first, I want to let go of hypocrisy and accept to myself that i like this so-called corny song which I avoided humming when with friends to retain my “high aesthetic sense image”. And then dance like a frenzied fool, here and now.

And today brings back the memories of yesterday, that day when a euphoric moment marked my life. That dark cozy evening when I was overcome by a fervent desire to dance .Exactly there, in the middle of the pedestrian signal opposite the VT station, which has over the years probably witnessed a lot of movie shootings but not seen a real life woman doing a rain dance at dusk.

Euphoric is not the word, rhapsodic is not....

Words ever defined a heavenly feeling? People do!
Language ever existed in exalted seconds? Meanings do!
Mind ever traces the logic of intoxicated moments? Heart does!
Stories ever captured the essence of life? Silence does!

Life;then is only a bundle of these hysterical times, the memories of which can bring a pleasant smile on the face when you are sitting alone by the window side listening to that old melody many years later.

That day...

I was in a mediocre mood when i got out of the accountancy class. I suggested a friend who was struggling to match the balance sheet to credit the “suspense account” with the “discrepancy” amount on the “Assets” side and retorted philosophically “You can’t balance anything in life,suspenses are bound to exist ”.

But something changed after I boarded the “6.17 Dadar fast”, after that nameless cold breeze sent a shiver through my spine, after my eyes feasted on those orgasmic clouds which were turning greyish by the second. Rain came, and i put my fingers forward as if offering myself to it .And then as if seizing the opportunity, water slapped my nail, tickled my lips and wet my fingers, my toes, my legs. And then hogged on my body.

I was still in trance when i got down the train and walked past those innumerable faces, noting down the sensuous animations for future references;

The young woman with a smirk on her face; probably recollecting a banter she had last evening...

the ‘aunties’ trying to straighten the disheveled hair, adjusting the dupattas and cursing the rain for all the chaos...

the giggling college girls whispering (read screaming) about the ‘boys’.....

the loaferish men waiting to catch sight of the drenched women running to catch their respective “fast’ and “slow” .....

the naughty 2yr olds jumping on the water pools; admiring it splash all over ....

the middle aged men cleaning their specs (as if it were a rigorous ritual) lost in the memories of romantic youth.....

the career oriented,juggling between home-and-work women who can’t catch the 1st bus home;with that disgusted look on their face...

And then the jubilant me….Blushing at the sight of flirtatious droplets of water dripping from the corners of the train, tasting it ;making sure no one is noticing me. Blinking at the naked child smiling at me from behind her mom’s ‘pallu’.

Today....

I was crossing the signal on MG road when the familiar chill breeze greeted me,with that same passion talking into my eyes,saying “Some things never change”.

And I wanted to run,jump and dance all over again; till I’m breathless!
Laugh,till my stomatch can’t take it any longer!
Sing,till my throat goes dry!
Talk,till words get exhausted!
Smile, till my lips gets tattered!
Be silent, until silence can hold!

Live,till life wants me to.


(Damini - Lightning)