Ela!

Part-II.

I feel absolutely tranquil as I see her running through the store elated; trying on the skirts, hats, blouses vamping them up and modeling all those for me.

Later, I drop her at the dance class. She has taken to dancing with such delight & exuberance that simply amazes me. I think with sheer wonderment at how and what transformed her from this timid, silent, disheveled girl to charismatic, expressive, elegant lady.

Before I make my exit from the class, I peek through the curtain at her small, lithesome body, and I watch her face, serious and intent as she plies. She sees me. I then disappear. I’ve a date with Mary.

As we sat there sipping the cappuccino, at a coffee shop near the shopping mall, Mary remarked ““U didn’t err, she has grown up to be a fine lady.And needless to say the credit goes to you” and I smiled at her,grateful for bringing Ela into my life.

“Why don’t you adopt her” she had asked me that night & that question changed it all.

I wouldn’t have been there in the picture at all, had I not ventured out in the garden that night & found her fragile body insinuated in that narrow passage leading to the juvenile delinquency ward. I picked her up, got the wounds nursed by the shift doctor and took her back to the ward matron.

The next morning turned out to be a complete nightmare, I felt fearfully alien in that labyrinth of chaos, the new challenge life had thrown up on me.

When I went back to Mary’s room in the evening I was groggy, angry and aggravated; The council members had conflicting views about what is to be done with her and no conclusion was reached .Ela didn’t give any explanation for her callous act; she didn’t speak at all. I learnt that she was scheduled to be released and put in a school a week later. In that case why did she try to escape? I never asked her why!

That night, I didn’t speak to Mary about sid or times spent with him(which was very unusual)I didn’t tell her why I see no reason to live, probably because I’d started seeing some.

I told Mary how I was filled with a strange cozy feeling every time I saw ela, that i hug her with my eyes and cleave to the sound of her froggy voice. In fact I wanted to wrap her in gauze and shield her in a protective cocoon.

As a single woman with no children the winding down of my biological clock had lowered the final curtain on a wish I've held since young adulthood; to raise a child untouched by the scars of the life .A fantasy child was frozen in my mind at the age of seven. She has long brown straight hair, an agile body, she is gregarious and talkative like I’m and has curiosity that pushes her beyond all hesitation. Ela was nothing like the child I’d in mind. But yet!

She came to this country as a refuge after witnessing the cruelties of war at the tender age of 6.She then lived with her detached mom and lecherous dad for the next few yrs before she got here. She was accused of attempting to kill her own father who sexually assaulted her and her mother who witnessed it and did nothing about it.

Our history was unencumbered by differences innumerable,and that didn’t stop me from deciding to give her a present that isn't laced with pain. I wanted to give her a reason to smile, to talk, to play, to love, to live.

Mary tells me Ela never spoke to anyone since the time she got to the ward. Yes, She was silent all throughout but for that nano-second that changed our lives forever. She said “Yes” and smiled at me cheerfully her face peeping from between the disheveled hair; when asked if she would like to live with me.

Ofcourse, things have changed a lot since that day. She speaks,quiet a lot.

And i simply adore her measured silences,her maturity doesn't come as a suprise to me.

We spend a lot of time together, share a lot of fun times and melancholic ones too. I weave threads of my experiences into our future. As I weave my threads, I meditate on the beauty of what life is all about. And help her see meaning.....in her sad past.

She'd tells me of the brutality of the war, her ugly dad, her loneliness, her angst. I tell her how much I miss sid, infact here are times when she asks me ,"Tell me about dad”. I didn't want to raise my daughter outside the circle of my own pain.

Today she is psychologically a healthy child(which is what I wanted most).Not afraid to say. Not afraid to stand up for what she believes in. Not afraid.

Iam happy, that at the eleventh hour my maternal cravings leapt out at me. Iam happy I recreated myself, my life. Earlier when I wove meaning into every situation orchestered in my life, I would sense these certain abrupt thread endings, knots that seem inappropriate and feel threatened by them. Not anymore.

Ela fills the vaccum, gives meaning to the abrupt.

I met her exactly when my biological clock sounded its final wake-up cry. Iam awake but iam still dreaming.....a beautiful dream.


(Ela - Perseverance)